I wasn't an active kid, I preferred to read or play computer games than run about or play sports. At primary school I realised that I wasn't as fast or as good at PE as others so I tried to hide at the back and not get picked for teams so I didn't let anyone down. I didn't have the confidence to join in and so the more I hung back the worse it got. I didn't join any teams or play any sport that wasn't compulsory and even then I did my very best to get out of it.
I detested gym class and games, I was quite academic and so maybe I didn't like the fact I wasn't good at it. Looking back I certainly wasn't the 'fat kid' that I thought I was then, I was a little bigger than many of the other kids which was my comparison but I was tall and could never be described as petite anyway.
I ate very little fruit growing up, little bit of frozen veg with dinner but I was a big fan of the 'crispy pancakes' and such like, always eating crisps and chocolate every day with lunch washed down with tons of squash. Mum brought fruit but it would usually end up uneaten so over time she stopped as it was just a waste. I don't really remember seeing my parents eating fruit other than strawberries and sugar in the summer.
If I was hungry before bed my Mum let me have a bowl of cereal, after a few times this became something that I felt I was 'entitled' to, like an extra meal that was acceptable and soon I was having a bowl every night without stopping to think whether I was hungry. I did this way after I left home and was surprised when a friend pointed out it was weird.
Two other things really stick in my mind from childhood,
First was a math class where we were learning about graphs, and every child had to stand on the scales and then we did a class graph by plotting everyone's weight on it. I can't remember my weight now but it was the heaviest in the class.
Second was at Brownies, when I was too big for the uniform which back then was a dress. They didn't make them big enough for my last year or so, so I ended up with the ugliest brown skirt and the dress as a top.
I was happy enough though, just as long as I wasn't having to do PE or run about a lot, my total aim was to not make a fool of myself and that continued into secondary school.
Surprisingly for me I did join a lacrosse team at the age of 15 but for several reasons that were absolutely NOTHING to do with fitness. It was the start of a great period of my life, but that was totally due to the fact it was located at a rugby club and where I learnt to drink!
Looking back I do regret not playing properly, I used to do as little as was humanly possible, mainly as I felt that I couldn't run, and I was scared to put myself out there and try and get the ball as I was sure I wouldn't catch it, or I'd drop it and let everyone down. I remember the training sessions and hating them so much, being so out of breath and struggling to keep up with everyone, but powering through just to be able to be part of the group, and get to hang out with them all afterwards.
As the years went on I played less and less, as I got older others joined the club as social members and I didn't need to be playing to be there, on summer days everyone would meet up and sit around on the grass with a beer and have water fights or play volleyball. I used to be so dismissive of it all saying I preferred to get a tan and have a beer when in reality I didn't think I'd be able to catch up, or I'd look too unfit compared to everyone else.
I joined a couple of gyms over the years in my early 20's, but I never really knew what I was doing and so I never lasted long. I continued to make jokes about why anyone would be crazy enough to willingly run or lift etc and be sad enough to live on salad and rice cakes.
In 2006 I joined Slimming World and alongside this started working out at home with Davina DVDs and Ministry of Sound Pump it Up workouts. At first it was really really hard and at times I had been known just to sit down and cry but over time it became hard but doable. I did enjoy the dance aspect of it all but didn't ever feel like I was someone who 'worked out' I certainly only exercised to lose weight, no other reason.
Although SW encourage exercise they used to insist it wasn't essential, but obviously it helped ( and IS essential but thats a different post!) I lost 4 stone in a year, Undoubtedly the exercise contributed to a lot of that, plus maybe the fact I was 20 something may have helped too!
Post pregnancy I tried again but never managed the frequency from before, it was just too tiring and time consuming and having a baby to occupy and having just moved to a hot country seemed like a good enough reason (excuse) not to.
It took a global pandemic and lockdown for me to very slowly start to see it all from a different perspective but that's another post!
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