Day One

I got on the scales today.   It's not been that long since I did that and the number hadn't gone up much at all but it had gone up. 

It's not unexpected of course,   I'm not stupid, as well as my terrible eating habits lately I've had four meals out in a week and hardly a day without drinking. 

But I gained a digit,  it has tipped over to the next stone bracket and I am now the same weight as my original SW starting weight. 

It's also the same weight, in fact I think one pound heavier than I was when I got on the scales in hospital just before being induced with my eldest son.

This means that right now I am the heaviest I have ever been.

Shit.

I've been up and down a lot over the years but I was so proud of losing 4 stone and then doing pretty well the other times I went back to group.

The heaviest I have ever been.  

This suddenly feels like a really big mountain to climb. 

This must be the line in the sand, the sign that I'm going to change this.   I can feel how much this is affecting me, my knees,  my back and so on.    I refuse to let this get worse through my own fault.  

I remember how hard the last days of pregnancy was, and I know that's different in many ways but all the extra weight you carry makes it hard.      I am carrying that much weight again. 

It stops now.

This is day one.